the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
