I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
