maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
it glows. i had to have it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
