Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Randomize
