remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I love having hate sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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