I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
That's intense
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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