You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
