Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
