I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
