He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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