You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
