I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
