The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
