Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
