brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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