I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
