Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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