uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
