we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
