Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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