bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
