you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
