Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
