last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
