I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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