I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He felt like a one man threesome
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
