my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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