my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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