I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
