Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
