Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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