i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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