my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
