Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
