If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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