where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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