Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
false alarm, still single
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
