ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
