I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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