i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
