Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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