Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
