At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
