she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
