so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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