I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
