Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize