I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize