Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
