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I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
