That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
