I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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