His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
