he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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