He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
