This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
