The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
