A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
P.S. I can't hear my feet
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize