Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
