I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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