Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
