Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
