Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
