I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
