Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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