I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
