I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
